Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Big T’s Letter to the IRS

I haven’t mailed yet, but…

Dear Internal Revenue Service,

I fully regret to inform you I will more than likely not be able to pay my federal income taxes owed on April 15 for I am all taxed out!

In the hard economic times that have fallen upon us, I ran out of money paying other taxes. I renovated some rental properties to help improve the look of the buildings and had to pay a building permit tax. This raised the assessed value of my properties which increased my property taxes. I also have corporate income taxes and capitol gains tax. The stress of this led me to start drinking and smoking again, and I was hit with a cigarette and liquor tax. I needed a friend and got a dog and was hit with a pet license tax.

There were also unemployment taxes, gasoline taxes, hunting license taxes, fishing license taxes, inheritance taxes, inventory taxes, luxury taxes, Medicare taxes, social security taxes, commercial real estate taxes, toll road taxes, sales taxes, telephone federal excise tax…and other taxes I can’t think of at the moment.

So please note, when you do not receive my payment on April 15, it is an honest mistake.

I also request that I receive the same treatment as Congressmen Charlie Rangel, Chris Dodd, Barney Frank, former Congressman Tom Daschle and your new boss Timothy Geithner; penalty free with no interest.

I will start payments just as soon as I get my stimulus check, or will pay in full once nominated for a cabinet position by the president.


Big T

Some how I don't think this is going to work out in my favor...

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